Tuesday, December 21, 2010

When Forgiving Stupidity By Family Is Not Enough

I consider myself a very forgiving person. I have had many issues with people in the past, some which would cause hatred and dislike probably for the rest of one’s life. But I usually end up letting bye gones be bye gones or at least start healing wounds and forgiving even if not forgetting. But, there are situations and people in one’s life that sometimes it just can’t be done.

Once upon a time my father left his previous family, met my mother and then I was born. For many years I was completely unaware or could not understand the problems that existed between my father and his first family. I knew I had a brother and sister that did not live with me and did not call my mom their mom but I was still too young to understand this. Little did I know that the problems my dad was working to fix were much bigger than I could have ever figured out and that the end result would be disastrous.

Many years past and I knew little if anything of my brother and sister from Chicago. I lived a normal life (if it can be called that) with my brother and sister from my moms side but I always had this urge to find my other brother and sister but I was still to young to seek them out and was almost completely ignorant of the situation that existed at the time between them and my dad. By this time even my mom had already left my father and I was bouncing around between my parents and siblings unable to find a place where I could fit and belong. And then the news came. My brother had died in a motorcycle accident and my chance to get to know him was gone forever. It’s ironic that this would happen at the time as my dad was finally making progress being part of his older sons life and then his is again ripped away from him. To add insult to injury my sister and her mom blamed my dad for my brothers death and when we went to Chicago to his funeral, my father was forced to leave as a wave of insults, loud mouths and stupidity was launched at him without a care in the world for the tragedy that everyone was dealing with. I chose to leave with him as I was not gonna let him deal with the pain alone while my idiotic family decided to take out their anger on him and thanks to them the only memory I have of my brother was the last time he came to see my dad in Puerto Rico which was probably several months before his death since we never got to go to the funeral.

It’s been over 15 years since my brothers death. All this time I have always believed he is my guardian angel watching over me as I have found myself in some difficult moments in life and I have somehow found a way out of them. I can’t discount my own desire and effort to get out of these situations but I always felt an element of divine power backing me up helping get thru these difficult moments. Back then I had found out my brother had left a child behind, my nephew. I saw him once but had not seen him since and didn’t know anything about his life, till about a year ago when my sister decided to come out of the wood works and “supposedly” was looking to change her life around and be part of our lives again. Although I was upset with her because of what she did that day when we went to see my brothers funeral, I decided to give her a second chance and to forgive and forget. After all, she is my sister and I was excited to have her in my life again. Sadly enough my dad didn’t see it the same way and when she went to see him to patch things up he saw something that no one else saw (because he’s actually a pretty smart guy). He knew my sisters desire to become a better person and be part of the family was a lie (to a certain extent). Although things got a bit sour that day they stayed in communication but things never moved towards the better between them.

After a few calls and some connections thru social networks, that desire she had kinda faded. In the end the only positive thing that came out of this temporary connection was that my nephew was able to connect with me and we have a small relationship ever since. He’s a good kid, very smart and nothing like his aunt or grandmother, at least not from what I have seen so far. He was excited to meet me and even more excited that I was his connection to his grandfather who he wanted to meet so badly. Can’t say for sure if he was disappointed or not after getting to meet him personally but I hate to think he had to meet him somewhat at his worst. My dad is ill and a bit out of his mind. I keep in contact with him from time to time, he’s on my Facebook account so I get to see his comments and it gives me a general idea how he’s doing and such. He looks so much like my brother and although I don’t have a very close relationship with him I’m glad he at least knows who I am and talks to me every once in a while.

Not everything is bright and dandy though. My sister not only chose to isolate herself again from me but she then decided to screw up all the supposed feelings she had about being a a family again and made some really stupid decisions recently that have me close to wanting to delete her from my Facebook list. I would rather not give any details on that situation but suffice it to say her actions were that of an idiot and one I don’t plan on forgiving this time around. Why I keep her on my Facebook list is beyond me; perhaps I am just too nice of a guy and still care to a certain extent. But to be honest I get a bit annoyed at seeing post on Facebook with her name on them and I find myself tempted to delete her. Maybe I will but I just am not the type of person to drop someone out of my life without letting them know why. Maybe I’m lucky and she’ll somehow see this article and get a clue (cause she could use one) and perhaps someday soon I will simply drop her a msg telling her exactly how I feel and wish her the best and then move on because to be honest, I have enough personal problems to have to deal with the problems of other people, especially of those who’s problems are massive and mental in some cases. At this point I don’t care about hurt feelings as mine were never considered anyways so this will be one of those moments in my life where I get to make one mistake or do one bad deed every 20 years or so kinda thing.

In plain English my sister screwed up majorly with me and this screw up is unforgivable and I plan on making sure she knows this someday because people will never learn if they are not aware of their mistakes and sometimes the truth, as painful as it may be, is necessary. So sorry sis but not even Christmas can help me find forgiveness for your actions.